The Emotional Rollercoaster of Watching Your Children Grow

Parenting is basically time travel. One moment, you’re rocking a tiny, helpless human to sleep, and the next, you’re sitting across the table from a fully grown adult who somehow still hasn’t figured out that towels don’t dry themselves on the floor.

As a full-time working mom of two, I’ve been on this ride for 21 years now. My husband and I have been married for 26 years, and while our kids may be 18 and 21, their prefrontal lobes still haven’t fully clocked in for work yet. (Science says they’ve got a few more years before that happens.)

The Phases of Connection (or Lack Thereof)

Every parenting phase has come with its own unique mix of exhaustion and connection. When my kids were little, I used to live for bedtime—not just because I was exhausted, but because bedtime was our time. The rushed dinners, the constant go-go-go of childcare and work, all funneled into those precious moments of bedtime stories and sleepy cuddles…and then—poof—that phase was over.

Elementary school ushered in a new level of chaos: homework, sports, art classes, playdates. Suddenly, my connection time with them shifted from bedtime to car rides. I will forever be grateful that my kids didn’t have cell phones during this time, because wow, did those car conversations matter. Whether it was hearing them chatter away to each other or diving into surprisingly deep discussions on the way to soccer practice, those moments filled my cup. I didn’t even realize how much I treasured them until they were gone.

Then came the high school years, also known as “The Great Parental Fade-Out.” Once they started driving, the car rides were over, and let’s just say, it was a painful transition. No one warned me how much I would miss those hurried, yet meaningful, moments. At first, I didn’t even realize what was happening. It took a few years for it to sink in. I miss the exhaustion of bedtime routines. I miss the car rides. I miss them needing me in those small, everyday ways.

The OUCH of Letting Go

The slow fade of connection was all just preparation for the real gut punch, sending my oldest off to college. No one prepared me for this. Everyone around us kept saying, “Oh, how exciting! She’s going to love it!” Meanwhile, I was bracing for impact, trying to “fake it till I make it,” as my heart shattered into a million pieces. The first few weeks, I found myself lying in her bed, just feeling the emptiness.

Over time, as she found her way, I found mine too. My youngest was still around, but he was now the one driving and disappearing into his own teenage world, except for meal times. He loves to eat but hates to cook, so this became my golden ticket to connection. A few times a week, I make sure to prepare a sit-down meal, planting myself directly across from him just to soak in the moment, making eye-contact, and asking about his day, because I know, all too well, that this phase is slipping away too.

The Parent Playbook (That No One Gives You)

We all hear about the “empty nest” phase, but living it is a whole different experience. Until you’re in it, no amount of advice fully prepares you for the wave of emotions that come with it. So, here’s my best advice for parents at any stage:

• Take each phase as it comes! Don’t wish away the hard moments, because they’re also the connection moments.
• Stop overbooking your life. Seriously, skip some of the commitments and just be with your kids.
• Staycations are magic. Play hookie with your kids once in a while, and vacations are often also overbooked trying to cram-it-all-in.
• Set screen limits. Not just for them, but for you too. Be present.
• Build in downtime. Boredom is often where the best conversations happen.
• Make eye contact, cuddle, and actively listen. Those little moments become the memories that matter most.

I was far from perfect at all of this, but looking back, I realize I wasn’t too far off the mark either. This is exactly why I created Parent Collaborative, to give families a space to share the lessons, the laughs, and the heartfelt moments of parenthood.

If you’ve got a favorite way to connect with your kids, whether they’re toddlers, teens, or young adults…I’d love to hear it!!  If you’re ahead of me in this journey, drop some wisdom on how to stay connected when they hit their 20s and 30s. I need all the help I can get!

We’ve Got This!!

Nicole